The Art of Going to Bed (5)

Ladies, we do it all! We take care of homes, the kids, the job and even one another. It’s time to take a little extra care of yourself! 

According to the National Sleep Foundation, “women tend to multi-task and use more of their actual brain than men leading to a greater need for sleep. Essentially, the more you use your brain during the day, the more it needs to rest while asleep.” 

And the lack of proper sleep can have an overwhelmingly negative effect your mental health, physical health, productivity and overall quality of life.

The Art of Going to Bed celebrates simple steps for investing in the most important part of the day, preparing to sleep!

Between our careers, families and other important things we care about, taking the time to care for ourselves often takes a back seat.

As a mom, wife and entrepreneur I had to find creative moments  to nurture and sustain my mind, body and spirit and preparing to sleep has become a vital and sacred practice that I award myself with at the end of the day.

This practice helps me to resign the stresses of the day, submit to rest and rise better prepared to face the challenges of the day!

Inside “The Art of Going to Bed”, You’ll Find 20 Large Print Beautiful Pages on How To:

  • Prepare your mind & body for sleep.
  • Create a living space that encourages sleep & relaxation.
  • Introduce practices that trigger the time for sleep.
  • Create a routine that helps to relieve late night worry and unexpected frustrations
  • Replace habits that feed anxiety with habits that foster peace & tranquility

You deserve this! -Let’s get ready for bed.

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the information provided in The Art of Going to Bed should not substitute for or be considered as a medical or mental health tool. I don’t dispense medical advice of any kind. The information provided is general in nature, given with the intent of assisting you in your quest to prepare to sleep.

Download It Here!- The Art of Going to Bed -$5.00

I was no longer up for being nice and settling for the shit I was putting up with from him. Right or wrong, I decided that I would fight back, literally!

While he was away, I strategically placed items in places where I could grab them and use them in my defense if I needed to; candle sticks, the telephone, a vase etc. And I knew if I hit him, I would have to hit him hard enough to knock him down and hopefully out. I reminded myself to always be aware of where my son was because my plan was to be able to grab him and run before he could recover.

Of course the next argument arrived.

He noticed that I didn’t cower this time. I looked him in the eye and stood my ground as I positioned myself close to the candlesticks I place on the coffee table earlier. He noticed my defiance, it caught him off guard and I could tell he didn’t know quite what to do next.  Strangely enough, I wasn’t scared like the other times. I wanted to live; I was tired of his hands on me hurting me all the time and I was willing to fight as hard as I could no matter what the outcome! The argument ended quickly and without any physical altercation on his part or mine.

That night, as I laid in bed alone. I felt different, not better but different. How long was I willing to live like this, in this fight or die state.

I remembered over-hearing Mama, say in a conversation I wasn’t supposed to be listening to that, “a woman can’t beat a man; she’d have to kill him.” And at this moment, I wondered, how far was I willing to go? How would this all end?

I didn’t have an answer to that question then. All I knew was, I had survived the moment without hurt or harm and for now, that was enough.

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Next: Chapter 7- I Had to “Figure It Out”

Chapter 5- I Can Fix This

Chapter 4- The First Time

Chapter 3- The Early Signs

Chapter 2- How We Met

Chapter 1 – Mama



My Most Prayerful & Popular  Mini eBooks!:

Praying for the Greater Things

Lord, Lord…Prayers to Pray When Everything’s a Mess!

The year is coming to an end.

It‘s during this time that we begin to think about all of our shoulda, woulda, couldas.

And there is almost always the feeling that things could have been better…different.  And in walks disappointment.

So then we wonder if there is still time for change.  If there is still time to lose those last 10 pounds, get that raise or promotion, start a business, find the love of our life, etc, etc.

But it’s important to remember that being our best selves isn’t just about the things we can see but more importantly about the state of our hearts.

The condition of our heart gives us the power to make great change;  it dictates how we see ourselves and the world and how we choose to manage our existence in it.

If we can measure our progress through the light of our heart, we’ll have a better chance of making a real difference not only in ourselves but in the lives of those we love, those around us and the world we live in.

But what I call a “whole heart” cannot be completely manifested by using lists and being organized or even simplifying our lives.

A whole heart is born through prayer and a consistent spiritual practice.

Prayer changes everything, from the level of our compassion to our overall world prospective. And when we can make it a part of our everyday habits, we will see ourselves with less judgment and fear.

Through prayer and the development of our whole heart, we know that even in our limitations and perceived failures, there is hope, love and progress.

I have written two mini prayer books that are simple, real and often funny. But most of all they help to reset our minds and hearts about some of the day to day challenges that keep us from developing our whole heart.

They are easily downloaded to your mobile device and are best read that way.  You can check them out below!

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My Most Prayerful & Popular Mini eBooks!:

Praying for the Greater Things

Lord, Lord…Prayers to Pray When Everything’s a Mess!

So, this age and  aging thing seems to always be a challenge.  We’re either feeling too old or not old enough to make our dreams happen.

I’m finding that older is better if you’ve done it right.

If you have gone through your earlier years building on your character, mind, spirit and more than not, came out on the other side of failure, then you got it!

The challenge is however, most of us submit to the concept of time which is often fear in sheep’s’ clothing!

We make ourselves believe that we need a predetermined amount time to make something happen. This is true in some cases like going back to school for example but even that can be accelerated if you’re really committed.

My advice and my personal struggle is to remove time as a factor and just go for it.

Instead of counting the days, months and years, convinced that you don’t have enough of them left to get there, ask yourself everyday…

“What can I do at this very moment to move me forward?!”

Check out this rant  from Gary Vaynerchuk who makes the point in 6 minutes!

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“I can fix this”, I thought. No more arguments or fights, just a man and woman in love, building a life together.

I thought that“if I just watch what I say and when I say it, then we’ll be alright; just don’t say anything that will piss him off!” I walked around like this for a while; trying to be nice and look pretty all the time.

After a while, I got tired. I got tired of trying to get along; constantly make these futile efforts to make him happy. And what the hell was I doing wrong anyway! I went to school, I went to work, visited my mom and dad, and went home.  No friends, no parties, no fun, nothing without him being right there next to me.  Why was I the one making all the efforts to keep the peace, why wasn’t he trying to make any changes?!  And I could feel my frustration and intolerance begin to build in my chest .

Just as surely, we found ourselves arguing one evening, I can’t remember why, but it lead to him pushing me up against the wall of our living room. He held me by the collar of my neck and took his fist and pressed it against my cheek so hard, it made my teeth ache. I thought to myself, this time he’s really gonna hurt me. I caught my son out of the corner of my eye as he ran to hide, and as my eyes looked away from him, he let me go and pushed me away to the center of the room.

I knew for certain now that there was no fixing this.  Either this was going to be my life or I was going to have to fight to get out.  This time, I was not only tired, I was mad!

Share this post with someone you think will find it helpful!


Next: Chapter 6- Mama Said, I’d Have to Kill Him

Chapter 4- The First Time

Chapter 3- The Early Signs

Chapter 2- How We Met

Chapter 1 – Mama



My Most Prayerful & Popular eBooks!:

Praying for the Greater Things

Lord, Lord…Prayers to Pray When Everything’s a Mess!

One of the greatest challenges to getting to where you want to be is having to do all the sh*t you hate along the way!

Sometimes knowing we’re going to have to do some things we hate can be a deal breaker and cause us to give up on our efforts before we really get started.

That thing for me is exercising! I don’t exactly hate it but I don’t enjoy it either. But I realize that it is a necessity if I’m going to accomplish my long term personal and professional goals.

 So here’s how to get it done!

  1. Have a Great Motivator (GM)!

Your “great motivator” should be that thing that you love way more than you hate the thing you have to do to get to it!

As an entrepreneur that writes, teaches and speaks on how to believe in yourself, I have to get ready.  I have to prepare myself for long nights, long flights and hard work.  I understand that in order to get to the level of success I aspire to, I have to be strong, healthy and look good while I’m at it! THIS is my great motivator and living long and feeling good are pretty great motivators too!

  1. Take the road of the absolute least resistance!

Do the absolute least you can do and still be effective. Make sure that you are spending the least amount of money, time and effort and, still effectively meet the goal!

For example, I walk for exercise. It’s both free and effective. I have to spend a little more time at it than I really want to but I’ve figured out a way to even make that bearable, I’ll share that with you later! 

 The last thing I want to do is spend money to do something I hate. And besides, for me the idea of having to leave my house and go to a crowded gym and jump up and down for an hour in a hot room full of women does not a good time make!

  1. Break it up in to smaller pieces.

Do less of it over shorter periods of time. It may take you longer but if you really hate it, it always feels better to do less of it at one time than more.

I commit myself to walking 10,000 steps a day. I do 5000 steps in the morning and 5000 steps in the evening. For me, this is way more bearable than walking 10,000 steps all at one time!

  1. Distract yourself while you’re doing it.

If possible, distract yourself with stuff you actually like while you’re doing the sh*t you hate.  You have to be careful with this one because god forbid if you mess up and have to start over!

While I’m walking I make phone calls,  listen to podcasts for my business, check my email, watch the Wendy Williams Aftershow…(if you don’t know you better ask somebody!) or I catch up on my latest Netflix binge!

  1. Make yourself comfortable

It’s hard enough to have to do something you hate, so why not be as comfortable as you can while doing it?  From your physical environment, to the closes on your back, make sure you’re comfortable and everything you’re going to need is conveniently available. Having to deal with any additional discomfort or frustration will only serve to further irritate you and make your efforts that much more difficult.

  1. Find a way to vent your frustrations.

Ok, no matter how simple or pain proof you try to make it, doing sh*t you hate is gonna suck.  And this sucksation is probably going to lead to unhealthy stress or frustration, so figure out how you’re going to manage this.

Do something that allows you to exert this energy in an emotional or explosive way….safely!

This is what I do. While I’m walking, if I happen to see some young 20 year old prancing around in her tight little yoga pants pretending to have worked out all day, I silently judge her because I assume that she doesn’t have to exercise to look great and I hate on the fact that she looks like I should be looking!  I know it’s wrong and childish but it helps me feel better and they’re none the wiser!

  1. Reward yourself as much as possible.

Create positive and immediate gratifications in the process.  If you have something favorable to look forward to, it helps to make the time go by faster and makes the event a little more bearable.

Mid way through my power walk, I reward myself with a healthy and delicious fruit & veggie smoothie! Also, at night I do a minimum amount of arm exercises, sit-ups & squats. Afterwards, I reward myself by immediately getting into my king sized bed and relaxing for the night!

  1. Close your eyes, grit your teeth, go in hard and fast and just do it!

Good luck with this one!

  1. Pray!

It can’t hurt! As a matter of fact, it’s necessary. Here’s one to get you started…God. Help. Me. Now!

Actually, I often say prayers of gratitude while I walk as a reminder to myself that things are better than I think.   I also take the time to pray for other people.  This helps to take my mind off of my own concerns which may be petty in comparison.

  1. Get someone else to do it for you.

If this is actually possible, do it.  The only thing is, you will miss out on everything you would have learned and experienced and unfortunately these are the things that help to make you better.  So, be prepared to feel a little disappointed for punkin’out!  But if you really hate it, this feeling will only last for a few minutes!

  1. Bonus!

Invest some time in educating yourself about this thing you say you hate and try to discover when and why you decided to hate it.

I’ve learned that if I’ve come to where I actually feel so strongly as to hate a thing, it’s probably because I have established some type of fear or lack of knowledge about it.

The truth is, I’d probably be more honest saying “I’m scared of it!” instead of “I hate it”.

I’m scared that if I try to do this thing, I am going to fail!  So, it makes me feel better about myself if I put up a wall called “hate” to keep me from having to face this truth.

Because it appeared that exercising would take a lot more effort, time and commitment than I honestly wanted to give, it gave me an emotional out to just say I hated it.  But I learned that walking was an effective form of exercise that would slowly get me to where I wanted to go. And over time and now with an increased sense of confidence I’m able to include a few squats, sit ups etc.

You too will find that eliminating some of the mystery about this thing you hate will actually help to alleviate some of the hate!

You’ll then be able to get more done and feel better doing it!

I had gone to work that day; I was the assistant manager at a clothing store at the local mall. I decided to go out of the store for lunch.

As I stood in line, I noticed the cashier at the register staring at me before I had even come up to order. When it was my turn to order, the cashier, who happened to be a guy asked me, “Is that your husband that you come in here with sometimes?” And I said yes but he’s not my husband but we’re together. He commenced to tell me that he saw him at the club on a regular basis with other women and that what he was doing wasn’t right and that I was too pretty to be with a guy that would treat me like that.  He went on to say that if I didn’t believe him, he would take me to see for myself. I was mortified and embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. I knew he was telling me the truth but  I just kind of struggled it off, smiled and ordered.

I spent the rest of the evening at work building up my courage to confront him about what I’d heard.  I don’t recall what I expected to happen, but I knew things would be different maybe better, may be worse, but never the same.

Finally that night after the baby (almost two) was asleep, it was time. I decided to sit down as I talked while he sat on the other side of the room. I swallowed hard and I told him, I told him how this guy told me how he was cheating on me with other women when he went out at night.  I think in my heart of hearts though, I wanted him to say, “I did it and I’m sorry, forgive me, it will never happen again, I love you so much!” And I’d either say, “no, it’s over and storm out or embrace him and say I forgive you, I love you!”

But as I sat there waiting for him to say something,  he got up and begin to approach me. I wasn’t afraid, just anxious for what his response would be. Maybe he would fall to his knees and hold me and ask for forgiveness, but no, that wasn’t the case.

He raised his right hand as he stood over me and slapped me across my face! I remember saying to myself, Oh my God, he hit me! Even now I cry at the thought of it. He hit me so hard; I thought I would pass out. There was this white light from the impact of hitting my eye. And what he did say was, “whatchu doing talkin’ to some other guy?!

I cowered and kept my head lowered as the blow left me dizzy and disoriented.

That moment left me lost.

Something shifted in me.


I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to do, so I did nothing. He said nothing else and just walked away.

I didn’t tell anyone.  The bruise left of my face lasted for seven days, seven days of hiding especially from my family.

There was never any overt apology or begging for forgiveness. It was like nothing had happened.

This was the first of his violent outbursts toward me.

This moment began a series of arguments, threats, shoves, being pushed, pulled, grabbed and hit.  His anger was deep, fierce and painful.  Our son was big enough now to know what was happening and he learned to run and hide when things got bad and they were always bad.

Share this post with someone you think will find it helpful!

Chapter 3- The Early Signs

Chapter 2- How We Met

Chapter 1 – Mama



My Most Prayerful & Popular eBooks!:

Praying for the Greater Things

Lord, Lord…Prayers to Pray When Everything’s a Mess!


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