When the Heart, Mind & Spirit Can Agree, Failure is Almost Impossible!

There is no fool-proof way to avoid failure completely but I’ve learned how to minimize the impact and likelihood of it!

So, it used to be that when I thought I had a great idea or goal, my mind would get overwhelmed with trying to figure out…

  • How do I do this?
  • Where do I start?

And/or I would lose my way when my heart would tell me…

  • I can’t do it.
  • It’s not gonna work.
  • I don’t have what it takes.

Or worse, I’d quit all together because…

  • Maybe I’m not worthy?
  • Maybe I don’t deserve it?

I realized that there was this struggle going on between my heart, mind and spirit?

So, I had to figure out how to get them in sync; how do you get your heart, mind and spirit to agree?

First, have a conversation with your heart;

Ask …

  1. What do I desire?
  2. What do I deserve?
  3. What can I do without?

This will help you set a goal that you’re passionate about while factoring in reason and common sense.

The second conversation is with your head & mind.

Ask …

  • What do I know?
  • What don’t I know?
  • What am I willing to figure out?

This will help to get a picture of how hard you’re going to have to work to make this thing happen and whether or not you’re actually up to the task.

And finally have a talk with God/Spirit.

Ask …

  • Do I honestly care about this thing and if so, why
  • Is this a God given desire or do I really have a hidden or selfish agenda.
  • What GOOD will it serve?

This will help you to make sure that your intentions are sincere and ensure that there is a purpose bigger than yourself involved; and as far as I’m concerned, there is nothing more important than this!

Take the time to have this HONEST dialogue and if you can get your heart, mind and spirit to agree on

  • What to do & why?
  • How you’re going to do it and if you have what it takes to get it done?
  • And finally who it will benefit?

….failure is almost impossible because you will be better prepared to accept the outcomes as they are NOT as you wish them to be.  And in fact, you will have increased the likelihood that your outcomes WILL meet your expectations.

So why do I say failure is ALMOST impossible? Because letting go of the concept of failure is hard, it takes intention and courage.  And remember that there is a difference between failure and disappointment.

It’s ok to be disappointed when things don’t work out the way we expected.

Disappointment is a temporary state and will soon pass but latching on to a sense of failure can feel permanent and keep you from trying again.

Realizing this was an important Aha moment for me…start here and begin the conversation!

TAKING NOW!

It’s an old message, “take better care of yourself so you can take better care of the people and things you care about.”

Some how this can be easier said than done!

Over the last 30 years…

I’ve had 3 children I picked a husband who’s really pretty great! – I started a business for the primary purpose of encouraging people to be better. – I cook, wash clothes, clean, dust, and pay bills. – I scrub tubs & toilets and mop floors. – I repair what breaks, attend school events & meetings.- I discipline and defend. – I encourage and wipe tears, hold hands and pat backs. – I make sure doctor’s appointments are kept. – I buy on sale and use coupons if I have them. – I cry and fight and yell, if that’s what it takes. – I make sure you take your meds and prescriptions are filled. – I search the grocery isles looking for exactly what you need.- I smile and whistle and cheer your name. – I check up on you in the middle of the night. – I make sure you’re warm and check for fever and bruises. – I give up the remote and I laugh only when you’re funny because you trust me not to deceive you. – I listen to when you complain and I am always on your side.  Read more on this from my post- How to Know When You’re Enough! 

I said all this to say that it appears quite obvious that I am more than enough for the people and things I care about.

But then the question becomes, am I enough for me!

Whether it’s by nature or nurture, we are quite comfortable giving away our stuff; our love, our time, charity, compassion, patience, friendship, our forgiveness and tolerance and even our bodies, as long as it’s in the best interest of those we love.

But where are WE in the line when we’re being so generous? Are we in line at all!

What happens for me and I think for most of us (us being women, girls, females, chicks, mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends etc.) is that it feels good to take care of the people and things we care about.  There is a great sense of satisfaction that fills my heart and spirit when we know that those we love are ok and that we had a hand in their ok-ness.

It’s what we do…It is our role in the universe!

But around the age of 49 or so, my heart began to secretly pray, Lord …please let this be enough.

But I knew; I knew that it wasn’t!

I quickly realized that I would have to play catch up; that I would now have to learn to become the most important thing in my life; and that this was the only way that I was going to live out my fullest, truest and most complete life!

And I also discovered that, not finding myself first often enough over all these years was at the root of why I struggled with all those things me!

Up until this moment, my life had happily and naturally become this dance of moving back, stepping aside and waiting.

So, I made myself a promise and I want you to do the same. I promised myself to take now!

  • I’m taking now to …  say a prayer for me
  • I’m taking now to … heal & comfort myself
  • I’m taking now to … give myself time
  • I’m taking now to …  change my mind
  • I’m taking now to … wish myself the very best
  • I’m taking now to … be brutally honest with myself & you
  • I’m taking now to … rest.
  • I’m taking now to … forgive myself
  • I’m taking now to … find the courage to be brave for my own sake
  • I’m taking now to … provide myself the things I need as best I can.
  • I’m taking now to … remember to pat my own back
  • I’m taking now to … to cheer my name
  • I’m taking now to … tell myself that everything’s going to be alright!
  • I’m taking now to … have a little more self-respect
  • I’m taking now to … have what I call fun
  • I’m taking now to … cry HARD and be ok with it.
  • I’m taking now to … say, “no” and be ok with it.
  • I‘m taking now to … stop and be ok with it
  • I’m taking now to … refuse to justify my actions
  • I’m taking now to … let go of responsibility for your actions
  • I’m taking now to … to adopt a “fuck you” attitude whenever applicable.
  • I’m taking now to … let go of guilt, self-pity and other shitty feelings that hold me back
  • I’m taking now to … listen to that little voice in the back of my head and respond accordingly.
  • I’m taking now to… jump without letting how you feel about it stop me.
  • I’m taking now to … finally decide
  • I’m taking now to … say to myself, “girl, I LOVE YOU and YOU are the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE!”

How to Avoid Envy & Frustration While Building an Online Business

As most of you know, I am in the midst of writing my first major ebook and offically turning my blog into a business…Yay!

In the midst of the this process, I learned a few things about  a couple of major deterrents that can not only  keep you from reaching success but can cause you to quit all together!

These MF’s are envy and frustration but I figured out how to keep them both under control!

You go online and there they are, websites that look better and are more creative and innovative than yours! They all seem to have it all figured out. They’re up and running and most of all, they seem to be making money! Sometimes it feels like there’s some sort of secret online business club where they give you all the secrets to success and everyone’s a member but you!

And there YOU are, struggling along. You’ve made some progress but you’re nowhere near where you want to be. Then to make it worse, you start to have those days when you question yourself. Is this it? Why isn’t it happening for me yet? Why is it taking me so long? What do they have that I don’t have? Why can’t I seem to get my sh*t together?! Ugh!!

Bottom line is, if you’re not careful, you’ll become so obsessed with what’s going on with everyone else’s business,  that you’ll lose total focus on your own!

So here’s how I’ve been able to minimize my bouts of envy and frustration.

  1. Limit Your Surfing: It’s important to have examples of websites or entrepreneurs that you aspire to. The problem comes in when you’re just all over the place.  Looking at everybody’s stuff for no rhyme or reason.  Narrow your exposure to specifically those sites that you might want to model your site after.  Ask yourself what can I learn from this site? How can it help me move forward?  Look at them with this eye and with this in mind.  When you do this, these sites will serve as resources for learning and development of your own ideas and strategies.  So, once you discover 2 or 3 sites that inspire you, let these be your muse and envy and frustration will be replaced by motivation and creativity.
  1. Know What You’re Looking For: Before you start googling other sites, know why and what you’re looking for. What do you want to know? Be specific. Are you looking at formats, specific designs or layouts, topics or structure? If you do this, then you’re more likely to only see what you’re there to find and you’ll also ensure that you’re using your time constructively.
  1. Know going in that sometimes, theirs will be better than yours. It’s ok! In fact, when you’re starting out, you want to discover those sites that have their shit together.  But instead of wallowing in all the things they got that you don’t got, figure out how they got it! Again, start with a mindset that says, “what can I learn from them?” This way, each visit has the potential to make you better!
  1. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. I know we all know this so just humor me. Nobody is going to tell you the details about everything that’s going wrong with their business. All you know is what they want you to know and even that can be subject to exaggeration. So the reality is, you don’t know the inside story about other people’s perceive success but you can best believe there is a lot of good and bad going on behind the scenes. So relax, everybody’s going through somethin’!
  1. Beware of smiling faces! Ok, we all love instagram, facebook etc.  They’re filled with beautiful people and places, happy families, encouraging words, vegan meals and Starbuck cups! But you have to stay conscious of the fact that these images depict a single moment and they are in no way a complete representation of the reality of people’s lives. If you can do this, then enjoy yourself.  But if you tend to get caught up in the number of followers people have and you don’t, then you may need to pull back because this can be a big time killer.  But if Instagram/facebook etc is a major weapon in your business arsenal, then simply invest the appropriate time and resources into making yours better.
  1. Greatness takes time. Give yourself credit for enduring the process, for successfully making the step-by-step effort. There is real value in trying. As long as you can honestly say you are consistently committed and doing your best, be patient; it’s coming!

 

Here’s What We’re Believing for May 2016!

Newsletter Logo (3)Here are my Posts and Prayers for May 2016…just in case you missed them!

Blog to Business- Planning, Organization, Consistency…Oh My!  – The biggest challenge as far as the course goes is that I think I have to go through all the modules first and then do the work, I’m not sure but that’s what it seems like at this point. I kinda like to work as I go but I’ll see what happens….

How Prayerful People Make Lists -I bet your first thought was, what’s so difficult about making a list and more over, what could be so different about how prayerful people make lists compared to every one else?…

How to Stay Connected to Your Purpose Even When You Have a Job that Sucks! We’ve all heard the saying, “Choose a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”…ok, but what do we do in the mean time?  How are we supposed to find or stay connected to our true purpose when we are stuck doing work that sucks ?!….

Blog to Business- What I Do When I Don’t Feel Like Doing the Work! – In my last post, I talked a lot about the course but today, I want to focus a little on the process of getting the work done…

A Lily in the Valley-A Story of Deliverance- Chapter 13 – “I Told You So!” – It had been over a month since that last argument in December, when I told him for the last and final time that it was over.  May he thought that like all the other times, I didn’t mean it or that I would change my mind. But that was not the case, it was over for good!

How I Learned to Pray for the Greater Things – Most times when we find ourselves in prayer, there is a great chance that we’ve been brought there by fear, doubt, stress or worry.  Every day I set out to do my very best and sometimes it gets hard. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the pressures of meeting expectations including my own and my prayers lean toward personal success and meeting daily goals.  But it’s then that I am reminded of the lesson I learned years ago after facing some of my most difficult times….

The Act of Deciding

About 3 years ago, I ran across the blog Zen Habits, created by Leo Babauta. Zen Habits is about “finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives”. At the time, it is one of the top 25 blogs and top 50 websites in the world with over 260,000 subscribers and more than a million over all readers. But that’s not all, here’s more …

Leo…

  • Quit smoking
  • Became a runner.
  • Ran several marathons.
  • Became organized.
  • Began eating healthy.
  • Became a vegan.
  • Tripled his income.
  • Wrote a novel.
  • Took control of his finances.
  • Saved a sizable emergency fund.
  • Completely eliminated his debt.
  • Simplified his life.
  • Lost weight.
  • Trained and completed short triathlons.
  • Started Zen Habits and made it a top blog within a year.
  • Started a second highly successful blog.
  • Wrote the No. 1 best-selling productivity ebook.
  • Wrote a best-selling print book
  • Started a third blog, mnmlist, about minimalism.

Leo Babauta admittedly has no formal qualifications; he’s no expert or scholar. He’s this  “regular guy”, husband and father of six!  But he’s managed to accomplish a great measure of success by anyone’s standards. You see, usually when we find that someone is very successful at something, they usually are highly qualified, have access to money, have friends in the right places, sacrificed friends and family, worked for years and years and pulled themselves up through the ranks or was just really lucky…you know being at the right place at the right time etc, etc.

I used to depend on this theory.

I depended on the belief that very successful people accomplished their success via some super human effort, tremendous sacrifice or miraculous streak of luck so then I could say,  “Oh see, that’s why they’re so successful” !  And then I could feel better and in fact justified about not having accomplished my own dreams because they had or did something that only happened for a select few.

But Leo helped me to realize that every great thing starts with the simple act of deciding!

Leo decided that he wanted to change his life and how he was living it. He decided that where he was, was not where he wanted to be. He decided that there was a better place for him which led to a better place for his family.

There’s an indescribable feeling of satisfaction that you get when you decide, even if you have no idea what you’re doing at first.  I still have fears.  I make mistakes and I’m never quite sure that I’m doing things right. But I’m so glad I decided!

And yes, you’ll have to work hard but first you have to decide!

What will be your first step toward greatness!  It doesn’t matter what it is big or small, just decide.

Here are some suggestions on how to get started!

• Stop, think. What’s been on your mind? What has been on the drawing table for awhile but you have never managed to get to it? What is it that everyone always says you should be doing? What is it  that everyone is always thanking you for?

• Still nothing? Start with something in one of these categories: HEALTH, SPIRIT, FAMILY, WORK, COMMUNITY, or WORLD.

• Pick something that Leo did that makes sense for you.  (see the list above)

• Be Specific- Whatever you choose to do, be very specific.  Specificity allows you to break down a goal in small doable pieces.

• Set a timetable-give yourself a finite amount of time to decide. Giving yourself too much time to decide will also give you time to change your mind.

• Be sure that you can at least start this goal without needing the “go ahead” or validation from someone else. This is all about you, and you are enough!

Let’s Pray About It-

Say this with me:

“Thank You for this Day and for the Energy and Spirit to take this one little step.

Amen.

 

How I Learned to Pray for the Greater Things

Most times when we find ourselves in prayer, there is a great chance that we’ve been brought there by fear, doubt, stress or worry.

Every day I set out to do my very best and sometimes it gets hard. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the pressures of meeting expectations including my own and my prayers lean toward personal success and meeting daily goals.  But it’s then that I am reminded of the lesson I learned years ago after facing some of my most difficult times.

These lessons encouraged me to think, what if I;

  • Had the courage to make better decisions,
  • Used more common sense,
  • Loved more and judged less,
  • Were more faithful, grateful and forgiving;

These are some of the greater things!

These are the things that minimize our moments of fear, doubt, stress and worry. Praying for the greater things allows us to face moments of challenge with faith, hope and perseverance. They are those things that elevate us to a state of spiritual worthiness. And it is this worthiness that frees us from having a sense of overwhelming concern for our own needs.

My mother was a healer and spiritual advisor. As a child I was witness to the power of prayer and its ability to heal, restore and provide light along the most difficult of life paths. I have learned how to ignite the power of prayer through faith, right intention and an unselfish commitment to serve.

Prayer for the Greater Things is a little book of prayers that I wrote that help to remind me of  what’s really important in this life, whenever I get distracted by the lesser things.

And I want to share them with you! You can pay what you want or nothing at all.  You can download it here!

You Will Get:

A 28 Page PDF eBook- Immediate Download that Includes 12 Power Prayers On:

  • 1- Health, Beauty, Mental Wellness Power Prayer-
  • 2- Love, Family & Other Relationships Power Prayer-
  • 3- Gratitude & Forgiveness Power Prayer-
  • 4- Honesty & Fairness Power Prayer-
  • 5- Hope & Happiness Power Prayer-
  • 6- Strength & Conviction Power Prayer-
  • 7- Habits & Order Power Prayer-
  • 8- Patience & Compassion Power Prayer-
  • 9- Animals & Nature Power Prayer-
  • 10- Courage & Change Power Prayer-
  • 11- Giving, Prosperity & Purpose Power Prayer-
  • 12- God, Humanity & the Planet;

I also share with you how the power of prayer was introduced into my life and the extent to which it has been a lifesaving force for me and those I love.

It Will Help You To:

• Reset & Rethink Your Own Prayers & Desires
• Be Reminded of the Power of Right Intentions
• Become More Worthy of the Greater Things Ordained for You by God!

What Readers Are Saying:

“Robin, last night I had a crisis at work and felt trapped. I didn’t know where to turn then the spirit spoke to my heart, it lead me to a prayer in your book. Just pulled out the book and began reading the prayer, immediately God began a transformation in my heart. Thank you! What a blessing!” -Arnetta

“Anyone who reads this booklet with sincerity and open-mindedness will truly be touched. They are truly heart felt prayers. The essence of this booklet is awesome! -Augustine

“Robin, you are truly anointed and as a result uniquely gifted! You are a messenger for the Most High and a healing source for your readers!” -Rev. Dr. Ted Greer Jr.

Remember to pay what you can or pay nothing at all!

Praying for the Greater Things

Download it here!

A Lily in the Valley-A Story of Deliverance- Chapter 13 – “I Told You So!”

Lily In the ValleyIt had been over a month since that last argument in December, when I told him for the last and final time that it was over.

May he thought that like all the other times, I didn’t mean it or that I would change my mind. But that was not the case, it was over for good!

We didn’t speak to each, I think he was waiting for me to get over it like I had always done. Of course that never happened but this is what did…

It was night time and I was on the phone with someone that I grown to trust. I met him through business and I shared with him in a small way the state my life was in and he had become a friend. I hadn’t shared with him all of the violence but he knew enough to know that I was in a bad place.

So while we were talking, he picked up the other phone line.  I knew he was there listening and I guess I hoped that he would think that I was in love with some one else and finally leave. But that’s not what happened.

He barged in my bedroom and begin to yell things like… why are talking to another guy?… what are you doing? etc. etc.

He came up on me and grabbed the telephone cord and begin to try and wrap it around my neck! I had dropped the receiver by then and placed my hands together under my chin and up against my neck to keep him from choking me. It worked!

Even now I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t put my hands up like that.

The phone rang and it startled him. Don’t ask me how the phone made its way back on the hook amidst all of the confusion. Nevertheless,  he let me up and I answered the phone; it was Mama!

He begged me not to tell her what was going on but I told her anyway. I could feel her anger build up as I spoke. And when she finally got a chance to speak, she said he words that I had been dreading from her all these years….

She said, “I told you so!”

________________

“A Lily in the Valley-A Story of Deliverance- Is the true, continuing story of how I survived a life of domestic violence and became who I was meant to be.”

 Chapter 12- Two Kids and a Mortgage

CHAPTER 11- My Salvation Was 5lbs. 11oz.

CHAPTER 10-TIMES WERE CHANGING 

CHAPTER 9- HOW I KNEW GOD WAS LISTENING

CHAPTER 8- THERE’S A LILLY IN THE VALLEY

CHAPTER 7- I HAD TO FIGURE IT OUT

CHAPTER 6- MAMA SAID, I’D HAVE TO KILL HIM

CHAPTER 5- I CAN FIX THIS

CHAPTER 5- I CAN FIX THIS

CHAPTER 4- THE FIRST TIME

CHAPTER 3- THE EARLY SIGNS

CHAPTER 2- HOW WE MET

CHAPTER 1 – MAMA

INTRODUCTION